Gotta Dash

So here I am, frantically squeezing in just one more eensy, weensy "December", and "2011" blog entry - while intermittently cleaning my house and longing to go get showered and dressed - before company arrives for tonight's New Year's festivities.

(All pics. snapped on 12/28/11)

Fortunately, (for brevity's sake) I haven't got a whole lot to say about these pics....I do like how there appears to be a man's face in the mattress, diagonally to the left of my head in the photo above...it kinda creeped me out when I first noticed it while editing this series, but now whenever I look at these pics. - my eyes are immediately drawn to and fixed on "him".

Another thing is - these snaps were taken on the first really cold weather shoot I've done in what feels like forever...and I realized very quickly just how drastically low my tolerance has become - for posing naked in such uncomfortable conditions... 

...Also, I did indeed wrap my lips and teeth around the leg of a dead deer, for about a dozen frames - until I finally got the picture above...aaand since I was wearing sticky, gooey lip gloss - my mouth was all globbed up with fur and dirt after each shot. No amount of spitting or spewing could ever completely remove all of the funk, which was undeniably gross. My friend Curlymoe is convinced that someday (if I keep actin' a fool, the way I do) I'll end up contracting rabies, or some other horrific disease. To that I say, "I shan't live in fear".

Because it was also windy that day, I thought something good might happen if I wore the gown that I recently scored at my neighborhood thrift - what with it's many layers of sheer, flowy fabric and all. Sadly though, it was a bit of a misfire. 

Yipes! My first guest has just arrived...hate to beg off so suddenly - but there's a hefty amount of hostess-ing and partying to be done, y'all!

Before I go though, I feel that it would be remiss of me to not first THANK my wonderful readers for sticking by me all of this time. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your thoughtful, caring and insightful comments, along with your invaluable advice, and tips that have led me to shoot in locations about which I would've otherwise never even known. Also, a gigundo THANK YOU - to my fellow bloggers who have seen to it that their own readers have found their way to The Big Ugly...it's been a truly great year, and I wish you all - nothing but the BEST in 2012! CHEERS!

Slim Pickin's

(All pics. snapped on 12/26/11)

Yep, it's true...Christmas, and all of the chaotic craziness (at home and at work) that preceded it - is finally behind me, *sing alleluia!*...matter of fact, today is my first full day off of work - in I couldn't tell ya' how long (even clocked-in on Christmas Day, if you can believe that)...

...and although the time that elapsed from Thanksgiving to Christmas, is essentially a complete and utter blur - largely due to added responsibilities at work that exacerbated the typical time-crunch under which I frantically try to pull together a reasonably respectable Christmas for my four deserving offspring, each year - I pin most of the blame for this year's holiday season amnesia, on performing many of the aforementioned duties - while fuzzy-headed, sleep-deprived, and running on fumes...thanks to an extended stint as a hardcore carouser and merrymaker. Sure, my poor aged body's been put through the ringer...but sadly, it's my art, my blog and my readers that have sustained unprecedented neglect cuzza the ongoing bender.

Last night true to form, I perpetuated the debaucherous bacchanalia with friends - this time though - by celebrating a swift and welcome lull in the other activities that have monopolized so much of my time recently...and while blithely delighting in the sudden dip in urgent tasks needing my immediate attention - I entertained myself and my friends by taking a stab at self-portraiture for the first time in one day shy of a whole month.

I'll be the first person to admit that these pictures are not even close to fantastic, but I'm hoping that if nothing else - you'll take them as a sign of in good faith...that from here on out, I shan't let my love of self-portraiture - fall by the wayside again...for awhile at least...I hope...

Double-Edged Sword

(All pics snapped on 11/08/11)

Although taking this most recent, two week break from self-portraiture and blogging has left me feeling awfully guilty about offering nothing new to my dear readers in that time - I'm grateful that it's afforded me the opportunity to start sorting out where to go next with my art...my whole life in general, for that matter...  

Granted, I could've waited to check back in with you guys when I had something avant-garde or groundbreaking to share - but it's been hard enough as it is, to stay away for this long. And so, if nothing else - consider this entry a courtesy call...just to let you all know that I am still alive, I do have ideas briskly bubbling on the back burner, and I've every intention of returning to self-portraiture - once the Christmastime craziness at work dissipates...  

Unfortunately, I had no choice but to illustrate this post with the last bunch of current(ish) pics. still waiting to be plucked from the queue. And as I sit here luxuriating at my Mac indefinitely (for literally the first time in weeks, halleluiah) - I'm ambivalent about featuring photos that by now might be looked upon as commonplace, redundant, or run-of-the-mill. 

On the one hand - I hesitate to post this series, because they reiterate the likely possibility that I may have exhausted the two predominant themes seen not only here, but in many prior Big Ugly entries: (1.) my naked body (2.) in yet another forsaken structure...both of which (not surprisingly) also happen to be the two major issues that I've been grappling with (for much longer really, than just these last coupla weeks) in regards to the status quo of my work. On the other hand though, this does indeed make these images quite relevant, because they conjure the questions that I keep asking myself...things like: has the abandoned house motif become such a crutch that I've stalled (stunted?) my artistic growth? Is adding the nudity on top of all that - just some (not so) sly tactic to ensure that folks keep coming back, despite their probable boredom with every other aspect of this particular genre of my self-pics.? And if that's the case, then have I semi-subconsciously turned an idea that was perhaps interesting and savory when I first introduced it - into some sort of sleazy, "sex sells" schtick?

Ya' wanna know what I think? I think that there's definitely at least some element of truth to each one of the above concerns... 

...but there is something else (and I hope you won't take this the wrong way - since I do so appreciate that all you good people even bother to stop by my blog) - I was an artist long before I even owned a computer, but lately what I do has become so internet-dependent or driven(?) that I may have lost sight of something intrinsic to being (my idea of) a self-portrait artist - and that is that the entire process should be more about a desire to dig deeper into oneself, while satisfying creative cravings and urges, in (for me personally, at least) extraordinarily intriguing and inspiring settings (no matter how seemingly repetitive they might be to other folks)...and it should be less about striving to entertain, and maintain a captive audience...

One sage reader recently suggested that rather than over-think my shoots so much (as I've gotten into the habit of doing) - I should trust and follow my instincts. Seems simple enough, yeah? But if I adhere to such a self-centered approach to my work, it could mean that sometimes I actually don't end up naked...or that I continue to stage infinite abandoned house shoots...much to my own satisfaction, of course (and hopefully to the benefit of my work).........but maybe even more to my poor readers' chagrin...