Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Jungle Gym

(All pics. snapped on 2/22/16, using a Sony Cybershot, and edited with Instagram filters and iPhoto)

Ok, so several of my friends lately have told me that I look like I've "put on a little", or that I've gotten "ticker" (thicker)…and although after ardently expressing my chagrin with such unpleasant news, they tried comforting me by asserting that for me, filling out a bit is definitely a good thing…I'm afraid that I must beg to differ. After all, I am a terribly vain, hyper-self-critical woman, who plasters naked pictures all over the derned internet - the last thing in this world I want to do is to get to a point where I feel embarrassed about the way that I look in my pics..  I have to admit though, even before my friends remarked on my newly softened edges,  I'd already noticed that my tummy has become noticeably pudgier, additionally I'm showing early signs of growing a dreaded spare tire, and my upper thighs and hips have definitely taken on a much curvier shape than I care to acknowledge (ugh). My booty, oddly enough - is still as deflated and droopy as ever, go figure.

So anyway, what does all of this mean? Welp, I think it's time that I face the brutal reality that I've finally reached an age (forty fuckin' seven, goddamnit) where I can't get away with simply keeping my food (carb) intake at a modicum in order to try and stay thin…looks like I'm gonna havta come up with some sort of regular exercise regimen (dag).

I'm perennially short on cash these days, so I'm reluctant to spend what little I have on a gym membership. That being said, dipping into my grocery fund in order to sign up at a gym might well be money more wisely spent…

I decided that yesterday was not gonna be a day for rash spending, however. And so instead of blowing money that I don't really have at a fitness facility - I busted my flabby ass by taking a heap of self-portraits in the bush, without spending even one precious dime.

By the time I finally got home, fed (only allowed myself to have a tin of sausages mashed up with mayonnaise), and bathed - I was plum tuckered out. (Those tree swinging pics. kicked my butt! And ripped gaping, weeping holes into the palms of my hands. Yuck.) I was too tired to even do much with the day's pics. - which was actually fine, because I was just so happy to be exhausted from honest to goodness physical exertion for the first time in recent memory.

Saturday, February 20, 2016

The Empress' New Clothes

(All pics. snapped on 2/19/16, using a Sony Cybershot, and edited with Instagram filters)

My tan lines got so intense this week, once I went out believing that I was wearing a white bikini...

…it didn't take me long though, to realize I wasn't.


Thursday, February 11, 2016

Caught...Between a Rock and a Hard Place

(All pics. snapped on 2/10/16, using a Sony Cybershot, and edited with Instagram filters)

Not a bad place to spend the afternoon shooting, eh? (Well, except for the fact that I did shred certain parts of my body while scurrying in and out of, and up onto and down from - all of those rough and jagged rocks). All of the fun ended abruptly however, when after having taken about 1 1/2 hours worth of pics., I looked up to see someone standing on the high rock above me - watching me with a confused look on his face…he asked, "What are you doing?" "Taking pictures", I replied. The expression on his face did not change…at all. He was still clearly very perplexed...

Not sure just how long the dude had been witnessing my antics, but the instant that I noticed him - I threw on my coverup, gathered my gear, and hurriedly skedaddled on outta there. Lord does that sort of thing freak me out...

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Please Do Not Disturb

(All pics. snapped on 1/26/16, using a Sony Cybershot, and edited with Instagram filters)

I discovered this abandoned villa a couple of weeks ago, and the very instant that I laid eyes on it - I knew that I'd found the venue in which I would stage my next set of selfpics. 

I went back over there today, with the intention of leisurely snapping photo after photo, until all of my camera batteries were spent - having arrived at the location mistakenly believing that I couldn't possibly be interrupted by a single living soul. I mean, it's not exactly like it's hidden away or anything, but it's more that there's so much other, better stuff nearby - that I just couldn't picture anyone suddenly paying any attention to the dissolving structure, making it that much easier for me to get comfortable with the afternoon's plan of indulging my artistic impulses by shooting a heap of nude self-portraits.

That was not to be the case though, unfortunately…while in about the 7th second of the 4th picture that I snapped on top of the ledge seen above (I was actually standing up and looking through the hole in the roof), I saw a man walking down a path that went along one side of the villa…and I was pretty flippin' sure that he saw me too. I jumped down in a quick, and put on my jeans and t-shirt, and waited for him to come up inside the building. Luckily, he never did. 

Once my jitters had died down, I snapped a couple more pics. in the groovy 70's(?) era bathroom, but then decided it might be best if I moved to another area to shoot.

The light pouring into this hallway was superb, so I wasn't all that upset about having to change my focus from shooting in the bathroom - to the villa's entrance…that was until (just after the shutter clicked on this ^, the very first frame) I was dive-bombed by a swarm of jack spaniards, and subsequently stung on my ear lobe, my jaw, and my elbow. 

I was like, "Oh, hell no - fuck that shit!" Those suckers are hateful - and I was NAKED!!! So, after only 16 minutes of shooting, and a paltry 15 frames (two of which were test shots taken in my street clothes) - I was outta there.

The End

Thursday, January 7, 2016

Revenge of the Jumbees

 (Both pics. snapped on 1/07/16, using a Sony Cybershot and Instagram filters)

I went into this shoot (inside of the shipwreck, Pamead) with the (what I considered to be realistic) expectation of snapping at least 100 - 125 images…unfortunately however - that was not to be the case.

After firing off only a coupla frames, my trusty little Cybershot began to freak out - strange settings screens kept popping up on their own, and then they'd switch suddenly to other screens that I'd never even seen before. I kept turning the camera off and on again, in the hopes that I might be able to set the timer for the next shot - and that did work for a short little while…but once I'd captured the 18th frame, the camera went completely haywire, and so I had no choice but to call it quits.

If I had to come up with an explanation for why the funny glitch with my camera, I would havta say that I think there may have been spirits inside of that shipwreck that didn't want me in there…I know many of y'all out there are probably shaking your heads, and sucking your teeth - because to you such a thing may sound utterly absurd…but that's my story, and I'm stickin' to it.

This wasn't the first time that something like this has happened to me while I was staging self-portraits in a (possibly haunted?) abandoned place however…to read about the venue that sticks out in my mind the most, please click here

I'm definitely not giving up on someday padding my portfolio with more self-shots made inside of this exquisite disaster piece…I am determined to try and fulfill my goal of capturing at least 82 more self-portraits inside of the Pamead…jumbees, or not.