How's it Hangin', Haters?

(Snapped on 10/17/10)

Do any of you guys find anything particularly outrageous about the outfit that I'm wearing in the photos on this post? (For godssakes - at least I'm wearing clothing this time) Ok, well how 'bout what I'm doing in the photos - you see anything wrong with that? Right. I didn't think so either. So could someone please tell me then, why folks were so visibly flipped out by watching me innocently photographing myself on the "dance floor" and elsewhere around the grounds of the spectacular estate where our annual Balloon Festival was recently held? I mean seriously...is what I do really all that bizarre or even such a difficult concept to grasp? One guy actually shrugged his shoulders, rolled his eyes and shot me a nasty look as if to say, "Aight, ya' dumb bitch...suitcherself" when I responded to his offer to take the picture for me with, "No thanks. I'm doing "dash" photography, the whole point is to snap the pictures myself"

Or could it be that most people really are that uptight......I am inclined to vote for the latter...

(Snapped on 10/17/10)

Ok...so in all fairness, not everyone was a total grouch about me publicly fulfilling my right to artistic expression. One lady came up to me and said she'd been watching me for awhile and that she thought what I was doing was cool. And after explaining the whole 10 sec. timer thing to two teenage girls who approached me and timidly asked what the deal was, they were so fascinated that they followed me everywhere I went, until my battery died and I left...it was cute. Plus look - I did get that one lady to smile (see above) But still...check out the elk there in the background. I swear he seems downright pissed off! His expression and body language were def more in line with the disapproving looks that my behavior generated from most onlookers. It's so funny to me that even a guy in a goofy elk costume could feel justified in exhibiting his obvious objection to my harmless antics...

(Snapped on 10/17/10)

But that's all right, cuz I exacted my revenge when I set up my cam and took pics. of myself dancing in front of him...(wait...is he giving me the finger?!)

Anyway, my intention here is not to bitch and moan about being some embittered, misunderstood "artist" - quite the contrary. The purpose of this entry in its purest form - is to show off these pictures that I thought didn't turn out half badly - thank you scenic Long Branch and you too - beautiful, deep blue sky! But while I'm here, I'd also like to thank my haters...

A Twitter friend quoted his pastor the other day when he tweeted, "Send your haters a Thank You card" and the instant I read it, I latched on to the idea. 

It's been my experience with haters, that 9 times out of 10 the most vicious ones are people who know me in real life (although sometimes only vaguely) and by and large I find them to be reprehensible cowards. I'll skip the part about how so many of my haters also happen to be women who would have everyone believe that they are pious, Christian do-gooders (gag). Don't get me wrong, I do know that there are good Christians out there (my dear Twitter friend for example) but these women are not that. The biggest bullies I've encountered in my adult life without exception, are "ladies" who wear their religion on their sleeves...and after getting a whiff of my alternative lifestyle, treat me as if I'm Hester Prynne's kid sister...with leprosy. But wait - before I stoop to their level by going off on some wicked tangent, I shall instead hold my tongue in regards to that subject... 

Ok so, break the whole cowardly haters thing down even further and you'll discover that there are several common methods that your acquaintances will typically implement when hatin' on you. At the Balloon Festival, I got a taste of the one where a person acts like they're your good buddy to your face, but later on you catch 'em staring you down, snickering and whispering behind a cupped hand into the ear of another colleague. Admirable...very 6th grade...

Lately though the trend seems to be more of an unwarranted cold shoulder, from people who used to be perfectly polite, even friendly towards me - and to whom I have never personally committed any infraction. I find it very interesting that what I do in my personal life deems me worthy of unmitigated passive aggression. The buzz about my photo blog is so much more negative and epidemic than the comparatively lenient backlash I withstood in regards to my old blog...which absolutely blows my mind. Cuz if you ask me, this blog is light and fun and I've always hoped it would convey a positive message about having the confidence to pursue an artistic inclination (no matter how unorthodox, obscure, or obscene?) as well as celebrate the human body and all of the cool things that it can be capable of doing...but evidently either I've missed my mark, or many have completely missed the point.

I know that I probably sound uber-paranoid, but my kids even notice the succession of slights, after which they comment...completely unprompted.

There's another form of silent treatment that's really odd to me, although I'm not totally convinced that it places the aggressor under the umbrella heading of "hater". Let's just say though, that it in no way has me "feeling the love"...

Ever since I got my photo blog up and running, conversation in general on Facebook, has become conspicuously suspended. And I'm not just talking about a lack of input good or bad, from my FB "friends" (most of whom have known me for ages) in regards to the posts on The Big Ugly. By now I've gotten rather used to posting entries into a virtual vacuum...What I'm talking about is more of an uncomfortable, inexplicable echo syndrome which chronically follows my unacknowledged attempts at simple small-talk. Sorta like, "HELLO...hello...hello..." For instance - there've been a few times recently, when I wrote on the walls of or sent messages to people with whom I considered myself to be friendly, maybe not super tight friends, but friendly just the same...and I get nothing...no response at all. The same goes for new FB friends who may already know me but who've only recently friended me. I accept their friend requests and may write to thank them and say "HI"...and what do I get? Absolute silence. Like, what tha freak you guys? You're gonna friend me, but you're not gonna talk to me...righteous. I would actually prefer them to tell me to "Go to hell" than to leave me dangling the way that they do... 

To my FB friends who blatantly ignore me I suggest, if there's something I've done that makes you never want to talk to me, then why don't you simply un-friend me? I've grown to expect being shunned by the Bible-thumpers, but by my "progressive" pals from the past? Preposterous...

(Snapped on 10/17/10)

Now...this is the part in the story where the metaphorical beams of light break through the ominous, black clouds. I'm talkin' about the few, the proud, the brave - who consistently remind me that they do appreciate this endeavor about which I've become so passionate...and even go so far as to set the record straight to the growing contingent of Big Ugly nay-sayers who formulate their opinions of me - on hearsay, instead of seeing for themselves what my site is all about...and for that I am infinitely grateful. The input of even a couple of good peeps, really does negate the animosity (silent or otherwise) of the meddlesome "moral" majority…in my mind, at least. 

To my haters I extend my sincerest "Thank You". You don't frighten me and I'm not gonna change just for you (if anything, I'm gonna get worse). Oh and I'll keep on truckin' if you'll keep on spreadin' the word. Your slander is my free advertising...Halleluiah, Hosanna and AMEN!

Another Boring Day at the Office

(Snapped on 10/11/10)

Unlike this Monday, last Monday was devoted entirely to takin' a ton of pics.. It was warm out and sunny, I had what I thought were a few clever ideas in mind (all of which could be tidily staged within the confines of a tiny nearby town) and so, bright and early that morning, I gathered the stuff that I needed for three of the four very different shoots, piled everything into my little car, dropped my kids off at school, and drove a whopping 5 minutes to the veritable gold mine of glorious settings in which to stage the day's pics.. 

I'd kind of imagined having the sleepy, little hamlet all to myself (Mondays are usually dead around there) but lord have mercy - I could not believe the unrelenting flow of car traffic passing the antiques store, out front of which I was busily channelling my inner gypsy. It was more that I was surprised than that I cared about so many folks slowly creeping past, craning their necks to try and make sense of my queer behavior (you know how much I love it when people watch!) But after this super grungy redneck parked his truck mere feet from my camera, got out and made the executive decision to stand there and watch me....I suddenly found myself wondering, "Hey! Where'd everybody GO?!" Literally the instant the scuzzball helped himself to my shoot, it felt like we were the only two humans on the planet...me no likey.

His rude intrusion made me terribly uncomfortable and I could feel my poses becoming more awkward and reticent with each shot (well, can you imagine?) The guy was totally crampin' my style and when it occurred to me that I was wasting way too much time snapping half-assed photos, I finally couldn't take it anymore. I told him that I was finished and to have a nice day and I carried my things over to my car. 

As soon as he was out of sight though, I went back to the antiques store, got into character and took at least a few pictures that were more to my liking...

(Snapped on 10/11/10)

Next stop? The gourmet grocery across the street...

I'd been wanting to do a kitschy shoplifting series, hoping for something silly to post on the future STORE page on my blog. After the owner of the market kindly allowed me to have free reign to do (with in reason) whatever I wanted - I finally saw that concept come to fruition...But only after taking roughly 75 photos with very little variation in my positioning. Why so many? Because if I didn't get myself in just the right spot, that stupid air conditioning vent took on the appearance of an unfortunate hat adornment, or like it had been hurled at and had lodged in my face or my neck...awesome... 

(Snapped on 10/11/10)

Does this outfit make my boob look fake?

(on second thought...don't answer that)

Before the fire extinguisher salesman arrived and my camera battery petered out, I was able to capture about a half-dozen naked(ish) chef shots in the kitchen. I gotta give props to those wonderful women who work back there. Not once did they ever give me any reason to worry that my self-indulgent shenanigans were impeding their productivity. When in all actuality, I was undeniably underfoot...(Thanks, ladies!) 

(Snapped on 10/11/10)

I went home to download the pics. that I'd taken so far, while I waited for my camera battery to charge, and simultaneously I tweaked the deets of the day's final shoot. I hadn't challenged myself physically since that 2nd set of bridge pics., and so was way overdue for a shoot where my body in motion was the focus...not costume or backdrop or theme. 

The kids and I had walked past this old school playground a couple of weeks earlier, and upon seeing it I immediately got the idea to do that backflip off a swing trick thingy...do you guys know that one? If you don't, it's a little tough to explain...and sadly, it was also nearly impossible to photograph effectively. I never bargained that something that I was sure would be a cinch - would wind up frustrating me as much as this did. Like seriously, how in the world could swinging prove to be more difficult than say - the windmill deal? 

The few times that I did manage to capture myself mid-flip, I was entirely unimpressed with the results. Even from the side angle, it really looked no better...

(Snapped on 10/11/10)

...and so this became the obvious default...*snore*...Love how the slide looks! But that's pretty much it...

The Ever-Elusive Happy Medium...

(Snapped on 6/28/10)

Now THAT'S what I call a "HO' Down"!

Hey, real quick - I gotta drop a Big Ugly "THANKS!" to all of you out there who so graciously interrupt what you're doing at the time, to stop by and check out my blog. My gratitude is boundless - honest and true, it is! And after yesterday's post (which I was certain would disappoint) I was not only blown away by the bevy of positive remarks, but was also (I felt) exonerated - by my viewers/readers - from feeling guilty for deviating from my norm (whatever that is)...You guys are the best, I really mean it... 

That being said, a promise is a promise...and so to follow through with my pledge to make it up to (at least some of) you, for publishing yesterday's goody-goody(ish) post, and to antagonize my adversaries as I'd threatened, but also to set foot (for the first time in months) on my old stompin' grounds of Twitter's #HNT - this little snippet features nuttin' but shameless, hardcore soft-porn (lotta boobie action in this one folks...brace yourselves). 

Don't get me wrong, although this post started out to be entirely about in-your-face tit pics., presented as a peace offering, or shock value, or even my long-overdue observance of #HNT, in collecting these photos I came to an accidental conclusion. And without further ado - let's draw that conclusion, shall we? 

I thumbed through my vast collection of hundreds of self-portraits, in search of photos that were (to put it bluntly) more about the female form and the ensuing sexually-driven response, than something experimental, artsy and thought-provoking (like yesterday's pics. presumably were), and I was startled by just how deep I had to dig, in order to find photos which met my triumvirate of needs for this post. I dunno...I guess I just don't snap pics. like these very much anymore. Could be because I do most of my shoots in public these days, but also as mentioned in yesterday's post - I have been on a bit of a story-telling bent, and if memory serves me - that was not at all the impetus behind the pics. that I gathered from the kitty for this post. 

After a bit of cogitation, I deduced that despite their general purpose of being primarily about showing some skin - these pictures still spanned the spectrum that I sought to illustrate. And the photo up top, effortlessly took its place firmly at one end, earning its spot as the image begot from the least amount of thought, preparation or effort. The only notable detail was that I'd just days before, broken my right fibula at the knee - so the dagblasted thing really freakin' hurt! But whatever, I still consider it to be the product of one of my most cliche shoots to date - resting on nothing other than stereotypical pin-up laurels. Matter of fact - I've posted it another time as my #HNT (apologies to those who've already seen it) 

(Snapped on 8/07/10)

The photo above was also snapped with #HNT in mind, but at the time I found it too corny...or goofy...or just plain weird. I never even thought about it much before today...but it was the one which best typified the opposite extreme. Sorta like - nice try dude, but just a leeetle too far out there.

(Snapped on 7/18/10)

Now this one, on the other hand, is to me - the clear winner of the trio. It is a reasonable balance of sexy and creative and might even cause the viewer to conjure a story. 

Breaking all of this down to reach the big conclusion, I suggest that yesterday's post is akin to the unusual antler pic. (a divergence from what my viewers may have come to expect) and today's entry is clearly an example of how dull too much of any one thing can be (a la the "seen it before", redundant woodpile pic.) Which leads me to my new objective - of striving to find an engaging happy medium...enabling me to somehow keep us all entertained.

Yeah, Yeah - I Know...I'm Not NEARLY Naked Enough

(Snapped on 10/05/10)

Soooo...can you find me in this photo?

(Snapped on 10/05/10)

This pic. just kinda confirms my suspicion that church is warped

(Snapped on 10/05/10)

There are many variables that determine the eventual outcome of my self-portrait photo shoots, and more times than not - after a respectable amount of planning - the end results prove to be nothing like what I'd envisioned. This past week's shoot however, was not the outcome of an intensive preparation period, but rather the product of an urgent necessity to end up with even just a few pics., before I plumb ran out of time. And although the concept was simple - the intended message was somehow still lost in translation...

I've gotten kinda conditioned to set Mondays aside, as my one guaranteed day during the week to take pics., but with my kids back in school now, I can make most any weekday work. Bearing that in mind, I skipped the self-portraits and devoted all of last Monday to staying put, at my desk. Nose to the grindstone, I made headway on a new blog entry and put the finishing touches on my Big Ugly calendar, so I could get that sucker ordered and in my possession sometime before 2011.

Then on Tuesday, I woke up with a different itch to scratch. I hopped in my little car and buzzed here and there, to carelessly wile away the day feeding my more recent addiction to panorama photography (I couldn't resist including a few faves from the excursion - d'you see 'em up there, huh?...Hey, wake up! They're not that bloody boring......or are they...)

All the fun came to an abrupt halt though, when I was reminded during a phone call from my ex, that my one daughter did not have school on Wednesday, Thursday or Friday *brainfart* I was delighted that she would be at home here with me, but lest a whole week go by with nary a single self-portrait, I'd better make something happen - like pronto! 

Where to shoot? What to wear? I was at a complete loss. I ducked into the nearest (and my new favorite thrift store) in the hopes of finding a $5 treasure to tell me what to do. Indeed I did not leave empty-handed.

(Snapped on 10/05/10)

As soon as I came across the vintage 1960-70's era, floor length, Loretta Lynn-like monstrosity - I saw something evocative of this sort of young, wanton, poor-white-trash seductress...from say 1971? I know -  the dress is hideous...the very antithesis of sexy, m'I right? But I liked it, for several different reasons. First off, it was a chilly day, and the long sleeves although not likely to make me look hot, might keep me from getting too cold (I'm a wimp, you know that). Also, I figured I could eke out a smidgeon of sex appeal, if my boobs worked a little magic from underneath the unlined lace top. Here's the other thing though - I'm not sure what's gotten into me lately, but sometimes I find myself forfeiting the sex kitten bit (much to some readers' chagrin, I've no doubt) to try and tell a story instead. I'm sorry, but it's fun and keeps things interesting for me! 

Ok, so I'd chosen my costume, which in turn had triggered an idea...the final item to scratch off the list was the setting. 

I drive past this decrepit, abandoned house all the time, which had made it become virtually invisible to me. But after taking pics. next door to it, a few weeks ago - I immediately placed it under the heading of "good fall-back locations". 

Knowing that the owner lives out of town, I figured that I'd be fine to sneak in a few photos without getting caught...barring some busybody tattling to the cops. By the time I parked and unloaded my junk, it was nearly 3:30 in the afternoon. I still had plenty of time to work, and the sun's position was more favorable than it would've been in the morning or midday...plus - an added bonus was - the school that my kids attend (2 minutes up the road) would be dismissing soon, which meant I could count on plenty of disapproving glances from the moms driving by, and lord knows that I feed off an audience. 

(Snapped on 10/05/10)

Imma be honest, the '70's seductress schtick could not have been more of a flop. What I wound up with was either "Bonanza"-era ante-bellum, or the above nod to a brooding, brunette Gidget... 

(Snapped on 10/05/10)

No way I'd be content to stick just my butt through the busted window - I could not possibly leave before trespassing to the max...

(Snapped on 10/05/10)

Mais quel horreur! You wanna talk about creeeeepy...*shiver* There were chunks of fallen plaster and bits of broken glass scattered across the moist and rotting floor. Numb from the cold, I worried that I wouldn't even feel it if a sliver of glass penetrated my bare feet. The compromised floor seemed to strain under my weight in certain spots, and a heavy, damp pall filled me with foreboding and dread. Needless to say, I did not stay insida there for long...

Aside from feeling guilty about potentially disappointing those of my wonderful readers out there who feel they are way overdue for a heapin' helpin' of T & A, I also hate to think that I may be pandering to the growing number of Big Ugly haters - by posting this selection of prim and proper-ish pics....

Next time though, I promise I'll do my best - to reward you FAB peeps who consistently nurture and encourage me...and to (hopefully) further infuriate my detractors... 

Physically Challenged

(Snapped on 7/18/10)

Right soooo...while digesting all that had happened over the course of my breakthrough morning at Old Chapel, I experienced a minor epiphany. It dawned on me that I might could do more with my pics. than simply pigeonhole them as cheesecake-exclusive. Although I knew it would behoove me to maintain some element of smut (to spare my viewers from the dreaded "ho-hum" syndrome) I was eager to raise the bar for myself by summoning physical attributes which lately I'd let go kinda dormant: agility, nimbleness and strength. The idea of marrying a more physical facet to my sexually-infused standard fare - did have a nice sort of ring to it...

It also now seemed to be somewhat imperative that I address the whole "what to wear" issue. Back when my photo shoots took place in and around my house only, I enjoyed the luxury of being as naked as I pleased. But in venturing out into the real world to shoot, I'd have to choose clothing that was at once - sexy, functional and appropriate for public consumption...Hmmm...things were getting complicated, and required more thought...and I was diggin' having to coordinate it all.

Following the cemetery shoot, I had a couple of hours until I had to cease with the nonsense, and go back to being a mom. And 2 hours, I reasoned - was more than ample time - to begin delving into my growing wish list of possible "10 second stunts". 

I made a pit stop at home after leaving Old Chapel, at which time I called a friend who lives nearby on this fabulous farm - rife with tractors and horses and old buildings and fences - to see if she'd be so kind as to let me to shoot there last minute...Luckily, she did not have a problem with me taking pics. at her place (of myself in varying states of undress). It worked out especially well, since she and her family had made plans to be gone for the day. 

Nice! I had inadvertently put off having to worry too much, about the necessity to cover up (this time, at least). I stuck with the status quo - and gathered a melange of skimpy clothes along with props, and sundry items - after which I didn't tarry and beat feet up the street to the farm to get started.

I ended up staging, I dunno - five different scenarios? Wearing everything from my birthday suit, to the maximum allowable coverage - per #HNT criteria and the blistering heat...(as exemplified in the outfit above)

The umbrella pics., were the result of my second, more successful (although not nearly as successful as I would've liked it to have been) stab at implied tightrope-waking. When I'd tried the time before (on my studio porch railing) I took an impressive spill on my first (and only) attempt, and consequently tabled the concept...until the traumatic incident was well behind me. 

This umbrella shoot was tough for obvious reasons, plus it was hotter'n hell and my injured knee killed but - I remember feeling like it had been totally worth it, when I got what I believed was a really cool shot. 

Tragically though, when I downloaded the pics. - I realized that the exposure had come out all wrong...bummer. Honestly, I have yet to effectively tweak any in this series, to the point where they don't make me feel sorta queasy...I'm ok with the composition of these pics. (for the most part) but there's something about their color and texture that does funny things to my tummy...

(Snapped on 7/29/10)

When I got the idea to "freeze frame" a dive, I knew it would have to be at a pool other than the one where I have a membership, since there isn't a diving board at our club. I called my ex and asked if he'd be cool with me taking the kids to the country club where he's a member (and there's a diving board) promising to sign in as the "nanny" so he wouldn't have to pay a guest fee...and he was like, "Yeah, whatever - that's fine"...YIP!

Standing in line waiting for my turn on the diving board, I mulled over my options and came up with a game plan...I asked my kids and a few of their friends - to hold my spot so I could go to my camera, set the timer, click the button, scurry back, reclaim my place in line, dash to the end of the board, count down the remaining warning beeps and then do whatever dive I was trying at the time.  

The kids' roles in this gig was indispensable, I literally could not have done it without them...but on my end, my God...I thought I might NEVER get the timing right! I consistently jumped either too late or too soon...grrrrr...It seemed impossible to catch myself at the crux of the dive. Not to mention, all those random other kids who kept getting in line, were totally grinding my gears! Couldn't they see I was doing something important? Jeez...the nerve of them trying to have some fun... 

Anyway, after like 30 attempts, negligible results, and a few expletives issued forth Tourette's style, some mom who'd seen me struggling - offered to help. She asked, "Do you just want me to take the picture?" I said, "No, you're so nice - but I can't have any help...it's a personal challenge to get my pictures myself...thanks though, I appreciate the offer" 

I've heard from a friend that my antics that day, ruffled the feathers of some of the gossipy hens by the pool...and I have to say - if getting a picture like the one directly above - comes with a price-tag of bored housewives clucking? That's a mighty small price, and I'm definitely willing to pay it...

(Snapped on 8/17/10)

For whatever reason, getting an imminent belly-flop on "film", was not nearly as difficult as freezing a backflip in time. I had to race halfway around the pool and launch myself towards the water, only two or three times before ending up with this goofy pic.. Yeah, it ain't pretty - but it was satisfactory enough for me to feel good about calling it quits...which was a huge relief, because unlike backflips - belly-flops actually hurt...

Oh the Paddy pics....*sigh*...this is still one of my favorite shoots to date...

A friend of mine "J" - remarked on my 10 sec. timer album on Facebook one day, and at the end of her message she said something to the effect of, "If you ever want to take pictures with a horse, let me know!" I responded immediately and we made plans to do a shoot, the very next week.

Enter dear, sweet, gentle giant Paddy - J's beloved fox hunting horse...

As I'm sure you can imagine, this was a terribly tricky shoot (think - 1000 lb. animal with a mind of his own, morbidly afraid of horse flies, stumbling through a riverbed lined with booby traps, and tempted by a big box of treats on the shore) I won't even go into the details of how I got from the camera, to up on Paddy's back in 10 seconds - what I will say is this - that despite snapping the fewest pics. ever in a shoot, the ratio of good over bad was astounding. (Not to mention, I had such a BLAST!)

Because I was "borrowing" a prized, respected, and dearly loved animal - it was entirely necessary that I have help with this shoot, not just to ensure my own safety, but to monitor Paddy's welfare, as well. The clear choice as official "animal handler", was J - the human who knows Paddy best. J brought a friend along (not knowing how many hands we might need) and like J, she was an absolute peach. Both women quickly picked up on, and honored my unyielding refusal to let them do anything with my camera...Despite my obstinance (and all things considered) this shoot went as smoothly as any of us ever could've dreamed - particularly when taking into account the level of difficulty and the component of unpredictability...

While choosing the photo which would accompany the Paddy portion of the post, I came across a video clip that I'd unintentionally shot that day, after accidentally setting the cam to video mode...oops...

I included it to demonstrate how physically demanding and grueling - this whole endeavor was on, not me so much, but on my friend J! The whole shoot was a learning curve, and as we experimented with different methods of keeping Paddy stationary until I could mount and get into pose, J was repeatedly dunked and nearly trampled, while I paraded around the like some sort of princess...(Sorry...and THANKS, J! I owe ya' BIG!)

(Snapped on 8/02/10)

There are three photos outta the whole lot that I really really like...and this ^ photo tops the list as one of my favorites...ever...It totally belies all the chaos that took place - before, whilst and after the shutter clicked...

(Snapped on 9/21/10)

The photo above, is the product of a second day of hurling myself off of this bridge. After the first shoot, I could not believe how flogged my body was...I could barely even walk the next day. But besides my legs being sore, my back had never been that stiff before. I had no idea how out of shape I had gotten, nor how physically demanding it is to jump off of a bridge and land down below, what - 30 or 40 times in a row? And after all that, I was rewarded with a crappy bunch of pictures (see example below).

I liked the premise however, and decided to give it another go. The second time though, I placed the camera down below (rather than up on the bridge where it had previously been) and the difference was remarkable. I much preferred the ominous denouement achieved from positioning the camera at that vantage point.

Seems bridge-jumping might be a legitimate form of conditioning, cuz I didn't ache at all after the second shoot. But I'll tell you what does ache - my brain - that's what...I had no intention of writing this much about these pics....

Feels GOOD to be a Man...

(Snapped on 10/02/10)

Yesterday, my tiny little town celebrated its centennial by closing off Main Street to car traffic, in order to make way for a parade and a couple blocks-long party. I had every intention of stopping by the festivities - not so much to join in on all the fun - but because I liked the idea of snapping self-portraits under what I suspected would be the disapproving/bewildered eyes of the assemblage of small-town onlookers. 

The night before, I had joked with friends on Facebook, about taking naked shots at the parade - but I mean c'mon...did I really wanna get hauled off to jail? No. So I hatched a more reasonable, albeit less spectacular plan (see above) one which I believed would earn at least a few nasty sneers from a predictably disparaging peanut gallery.

The only caveat to everything going as I'd envisioned, was that I had also committed to watching my daughter's field hockey game (at her school an hour and a half away) and bringing her back to my ex for the weekend. By my estimation, I should be able to fit in both activities, although I'd likely have to miss the big parade. But certainly there'd be plenty - still under way, when finally I descended on Boyce at (my e.t.a. of) 3 o'clock...right?

WRONG...For one thing - I didn't pull up to my house until 4:45 that afternoon...soooo much later than I'd hoped. I speculated that surely by then I had to have missed the bulk of the celebratory goings-on - but I figured, "Hey. I'll never know unless I go and see" So...

I haphazardly gathered the essentials for my ensemble and proceeded to (attempt to) transform myself into a dude.

Yep, my hunch was dead-on. By the time I got to Boyce, most everyone had left and things had essentially come to a close...drats. Fortunately though, the concession stands were open - so I lucked into documenting myself demolishing a corn dog. Talk about devotion to one's craft, sheesh!...Under no other circumstances would I have eaten that crap (it was tasty though...I have to admit)

(Snapped on 10/02/10)

I snapped one corn dog's worth of pics., and then strolled to Town Hall, where I introduced myself to a father and his kids, who were chillin' out front on the steps. I explained to them that I take pictures of myself in various settings and scenarios and that today I was tryin' to look like a man. They were visibly confused (see how that one boy was beepin' at me?) and yet - completely cool with me doin' my thing. 

After taking one photo (with only me as the subject) I invited the two boys to join me if they wanted...and they did. Their big sister made a guest appearance a little later on. It was a hoot, they were great and I thought it so clever when the boy in the middle suggested we line up with our shirts in order - red, white and blue. Now that I think of it, this may have been my first set of pics. ever taken with folks other than me in 'em...so there's that.

(Snapped on 10/02/10)

As the last few stragglers departed the big shindig, I took the liberty of snapping some more pics. in their midst. And yes...I got the hairy eyeball from most, and derogatory comments from many...Could someone please tell me why I get off on that shit?...

(Snapped on 10/02/10)

Mission (mostly) accomplished, I went home to partake in an even smaller celebration - for having done my very best to be a MAN. I grabbed a jumbo Miller Lite (and just who left that in my fridge?) and after only 3 swigs, I moved on to my girly vodka drinks...*urp*

A Heathen in the Chapel

(Snapped on 7/17/10)

After finally tackling those pesky train pics., the notion that the world was far bigger than just my yard and my house really began to crystallize. I was relieved to have finally gotten over the intimidating hurdle of snapping self-portraits in public, and because of that - I began conspiring to shoot myself against all sorts of interesting backdrops...and quite frankly, I didn't care who might see me doin' it. The tricky part was, that I was still staging my self-portraits with Twitter's #HNT in mind, and the "half-nekkid" part of #HNT would no doubt prove to be a bit more difficult to pull off in front of an audience.

The Sunday just after the train shoot, my oldest daughter was at a friend's house (having slept there the night before) my son was at camp and my ex had stopped by my house early in the morning - to pick up my two other girls in order to drive them to their camp. It was 6:30 a.m....and I was childless. Seemed like the perfect opportunity to get out there and do a photo shoot. Additionally, we were in the midst of one of the hottest spells of the summer, so the idea of shooting pics. before the temperature and the humidity rose to suffocating highs, was appealing - to say the least. I did my face and hair, threw on an old nighty (omitted undies in #HNT's honor) and drove to the Old Chapel Cemetery - just 5 minutes away from my house. 

As I parked my car it occurred to me, "Oh shit. What if it's locked?" but when I got to the entrance I was delighted to discover that not only was the gate unlocked, but best I could tell - it wasn't able to be locked. Visions of a nighttime cemetery shoot went swirling through my mind...but that would have to keep, cuz for the time being I'd have to be content with integrating myself amid the mammoth mature trees and the patina of the ancient headstones in one of my favorite places in Clarke County...during the daytime.

(Snapped on 7/17/10)

I took a few pics. lying on my back draped over this old stump, and then I got the idea to stand on it and pose. Next I took a few pics. while leaning into this sort of slow-motion step/fall, and then I got the idea to try jumping off the stump. I spent what felt like an eternity, struggling to get a satisfactory photo of myself in midair. It quickly became quite clear that capturing my body in motion would be a far less simple task than I'd reckoned. Despite becoming more and more pissed off at my ineptness, I did not see this obstacle as insurmountable. Matter of fact, I was excited to have added something new to the equation and I refused to quit trying until I had a couple of pics. that I didn't absolutely hate. 

The Old Chapel shoot marked my first real attempt at photographing movement and I definitely considered it a pretty big deal. My mind reeled with the promise of a plethora of possibilities...

(Snapped on 7/17/10)

After about an hour and a half of flitting about between graves and leaping off of the lichen-covered stump, and with the temperature now well into the 80's, it shouldn't be difficult to imagine how profusely I was sweating. The little white nighty was soaked through in the front...like seriously - totally saturated. I posted the photo above, not because it's so fantastic or anything (in fact I don't even particularly like it) but it was the best example I had to illustrate just how wet (and translucent) the nightgown had become.

At this point I felt like I'd kinda maxed-out the whole cemetery thing, and since I had a few other shoots on my list for the day - I packed up my things and went toward the gate to leave. As I exited the cemetery, a truck pulled up and blocked the path to my car. I was thinking, well - a couple of things actually...1.) Dagger! Maybe I wasn't actually allowed to be in the cemetery taking pics. of myself...barely clothed. Had a motorist who'd seen me galavanting around the grounds, called someone and snitched?...and...2.) My tiny little nighty (which barely covered my naked ass in the first place) now in such a soggy state - blatantly advertised the fact that I didn't happen to be wearing a bra...*awkward*

The little old man who stepped out of the truck, bore a genuinely pleasant smile and was just as sweet to me as he could be. I had braced myself for severe reprimand, but he immediately diffused my anxiety...I was shocked. He didn't seem at all perturbed that I'd been photographing myself in the cemetery nor embarrassed by my tits which were screaming at him from behind the diaphanous layer of moist cotton. 

The old man introduced himself as the groundskeeper and said that he was there to unlock the chapel. He asked if I was the photographer who'd called and made arrangements to be let inside the building to take pictures, that day...I said, "Oh no! I'm not a photographer, I just do this for fun. I know...I'm weird"

And then he said, "Well, if you like - you're welcome to take pictures in the chapel." I answered with, "Um, I'm probably not appropriately dressed to take you up on that today, but you're very nice to offer!"

(Snapped on 7/17/10)

I was kinda bummed to have to decline the old man's generous invitation to let me snap pics. inside the Old Chapel...and just then, I remembered seeing a dress lying in a heap in the back of my car (probably filthy and on its way to the dry cleaners, but oh well) I ducked behind my little car, stripped naked and got myself zipped up in the other dress.  

Me: "On second thought, maybe I will take some pictures in the Chapel...that is, if it's still all right and all."

The little old man: "Oh my yes. Help yourself."

I just could not believe how lucky I'd gotten...the entire morning had been an absolute gift! Later I learned that I was even luckier than I'd realized. After a few local peeps saw some of the photos that I shot while inside the Old Chapel, they were stunned..."How in the world did you manage to get in there? It's only open to the public once a year?!"

Could it be the photography gods were smiling on me? Maybe. But I'm more inclined to think that one should never underestimate the power of a see-through nighty...