Yeah, Yeah - I Know...I'm Not NEARLY Naked Enough

(Snapped on 10/05/10)

Soooo...can you find me in this photo?

(Snapped on 10/05/10)

This pic. just kinda confirms my suspicion that church is warped

(Snapped on 10/05/10)

There are many variables that determine the eventual outcome of my self-portrait photo shoots, and more times than not - after a respectable amount of planning - the end results prove to be nothing like what I'd envisioned. This past week's shoot however, was not the outcome of an intensive preparation period, but rather the product of an urgent necessity to end up with even just a few pics., before I plumb ran out of time. And although the concept was simple - the intended message was somehow still lost in translation...

I've gotten kinda conditioned to set Mondays aside, as my one guaranteed day during the week to take pics., but with my kids back in school now, I can make most any weekday work. Bearing that in mind, I skipped the self-portraits and devoted all of last Monday to staying put, at my desk. Nose to the grindstone, I made headway on a new blog entry and put the finishing touches on my Big Ugly calendar, so I could get that sucker ordered and in my possession sometime before 2011.

Then on Tuesday, I woke up with a different itch to scratch. I hopped in my little car and buzzed here and there, to carelessly wile away the day feeding my more recent addiction to panorama photography (I couldn't resist including a few faves from the excursion - d'you see 'em up there, huh?...Hey, wake up! They're not that bloody boring......or are they...)

All the fun came to an abrupt halt though, when I was reminded during a phone call from my ex, that my one daughter did not have school on Wednesday, Thursday or Friday *brainfart* I was delighted that she would be at home here with me, but lest a whole week go by with nary a single self-portrait, I'd better make something happen - like pronto! 

Where to shoot? What to wear? I was at a complete loss. I ducked into the nearest (and my new favorite thrift store) in the hopes of finding a $5 treasure to tell me what to do. Indeed I did not leave empty-handed.

(Snapped on 10/05/10)

As soon as I came across the vintage 1960-70's era, floor length, Loretta Lynn-like monstrosity - I saw something evocative of this sort of young, wanton, poor-white-trash seductress...from say 1971? I know -  the dress is hideous...the very antithesis of sexy, m'I right? But I liked it, for several different reasons. First off, it was a chilly day, and the long sleeves although not likely to make me look hot, might keep me from getting too cold (I'm a wimp, you know that). Also, I figured I could eke out a smidgeon of sex appeal, if my boobs worked a little magic from underneath the unlined lace top. Here's the other thing though - I'm not sure what's gotten into me lately, but sometimes I find myself forfeiting the sex kitten bit (much to some readers' chagrin, I've no doubt) to try and tell a story instead. I'm sorry, but it's fun and keeps things interesting for me! 

Ok, so I'd chosen my costume, which in turn had triggered an idea...the final item to scratch off the list was the setting. 

I drive past this decrepit, abandoned house all the time, which had made it become virtually invisible to me. But after taking pics. next door to it, a few weeks ago - I immediately placed it under the heading of "good fall-back locations". 

Knowing that the owner lives out of town, I figured that I'd be fine to sneak in a few photos without getting caught...barring some busybody tattling to the cops. By the time I parked and unloaded my junk, it was nearly 3:30 in the afternoon. I still had plenty of time to work, and the sun's position was more favorable than it would've been in the morning or midday...plus - an added bonus was - the school that my kids attend (2 minutes up the road) would be dismissing soon, which meant I could count on plenty of disapproving glances from the moms driving by, and lord knows that I feed off an audience. 

(Snapped on 10/05/10)

Imma be honest, the '70's seductress schtick could not have been more of a flop. What I wound up with was either "Bonanza"-era ante-bellum, or the above nod to a brooding, brunette Gidget... 

(Snapped on 10/05/10)

No way I'd be content to stick just my butt through the busted window - I could not possibly leave before trespassing to the max...

(Snapped on 10/05/10)

Mais quel horreur! You wanna talk about creeeeepy...*shiver* There were chunks of fallen plaster and bits of broken glass scattered across the moist and rotting floor. Numb from the cold, I worried that I wouldn't even feel it if a sliver of glass penetrated my bare feet. The compromised floor seemed to strain under my weight in certain spots, and a heavy, damp pall filled me with foreboding and dread. Needless to say, I did not stay insida there for long...

Aside from feeling guilty about potentially disappointing those of my wonderful readers out there who feel they are way overdue for a heapin' helpin' of T & A, I also hate to think that I may be pandering to the growing number of Big Ugly haters - by posting this selection of prim and proper-ish pics....

Next time though, I promise I'll do my best - to reward you FAB peeps who consistently nurture and encourage me...and to (hopefully) further infuriate my detractors...