(All pics. snapped on 8/20/11)
My sincerest apologies for such a one-note set of pics.. Although it was in no way premeditated, their glaring lack of diversity, coincidentally represents just how monotonous my life is steadily becoming.
That's not to say that things these days are boring, per se...just different than what I've grown accustomed to. I love my new job, don't get me wrong about that - but ever since signing on there, the luxury of being able to spontaneously stage my pics. on a whim, has taken a back-seat to a much more mundane routine.
I'm all by myself, for most of each workday (which is a good thing for many different reasons), and in the beginning I thought that it would provide plenty of time to at least think about what type of self-pics. to take next. But rather than spending the solitary hours plotting and planning as I'd hoped, my mind stays forever fixed on a far less pleasant, but painfully predictable facet of my life - my uncanny ability to get hung up on guys who really don't give a rat's ass about me. Why does this happen? I sincerely don't know...Is it in some way intentional? Chile, you best shut yo' damn mouf! Do you actually think that I would get myself mixed up in one acrimonious romance after another, each of them doomed for failure from the start - on purpose?! Not a chance. If there's one thing in this world that I want more than anything - it is consistency...but not the consistency of an acid stomach each day - over some guy who could take me or leave me. I yearn for the consistency of a comfortable partnership, in which my lover and I treat each other with decency and respect, and where mere kindness is effortless and constant...Long story short, I wanna be happy with one man - like, seriously happy - for as long as absolutely possible...and I honestly don't think that this is asking too much...but evidently it's just not in the cards for me, and the statistics dictate that healthy relationships will probably continue to allude me.
All righty soooo....now that I've painted a pretty clear picture of my current, brittle frame of mind - let's talk about the pictures in this post instead, shall we?
The evening that I shot them, I was draggin' ass tired...I'd worked in the morning, and had then come home with the intention of sitting on my riding mower for however many hours I could mow, until dark. But when my lawn tractor died (yet again) I was forced to break out the push mower and do as much as I could stand in the late afternoon humidity and heat. After all that, I was sweaty and gross - and for whatever reason - instead of showering off and chillin' out - I decided to scratch the itch to take some self-portraits, while not only making the most of how grody I already was - but by getting myself even more disgusting first. Implementing the tar and feather technique - I rolled around (all nasty and moist) in the mountain of mulch in my yard. Ew.
Next - I went inside and globbed dark eye make-up onto my eyes, and my cheeks - and all but eliminated my lips by applying skin-toned concealer onto them. I threw an easy, little shift over my otherwise naked, filthy body, gathered my camera junk, walked up my street, and then marched across a field until I came to this cool, old tunnel which was built god-knows-when - underneath of the railroad tracks that I've featured in The Big Ugly before.
The bummer was - the field had been freshly bush-hogged, and I had counted on the tall grass that had been there the last time I looked - to screen me from the folks living in the house on the corner, and from motorists on the roadway close by. Sadly, it was not to be. So. For the 40 minutes that I shot this group, I literally never stood straight up. I moved back and forth between my camera and the tunnel, in a crouch hoping that no one would see me. And lemme tell ya' somethin' - that shit'll make your damn quadriceps burn!
Needless to say, because of my limited mobility and theme variations - I ran out of ideas and fuel pretty fast...I was cheered for a second, that self-portraiture had taken my weary mind off of all that's been eating at me lately...but once I was done, it was back to all of the nonsense in my life, that's become much more of a grind than any regular job could ever be...