My oldest girls have returned to their respective boarding schools, and my two, youngest children were supposed to go back to their school, following Spring Break - today...but. We got enough snow last night, that school was cancelled for the day...which I thought would mean - there would be no way in hell that I'd get any new self-portraits...for like the millionth freaking day in a row...*sigh*
However...when my kids started making plans with their friends to go sledding - I got an idea. I decided that while they were out frolicking in the snow, I would fill the brief quiet time by snapping a few self-portraits, featuring the one sled in the house that I knew neither of them would want to use - our all but forgotten, dusty old, Flexible Flyer.
There was nothing particularly difficult about this shoot, per se...the temperature had risen so much, that I actually got hot moving around wearing so...much...blessed...clothing (the good news about that was, I didn't havta worry about getting caught naked in public - score!), it wasn't physically grueling in the slightest (I felt almost like a wimp, having allowed myself the luxury of incorporating footwear into the costume) - but what did make this shoot just the teensiest bit nerve-racking, was the fact that so many people watched me as I worked...and consequently looked at me as if I was some sort of raving lunatic......people like: the teenagers who were sledding on the same hill, but a little way's away...and the folks who went past me while they were walking their dogs...my ex-husband's girlfriend who drove by, honked, waved, and lastly - rolled her eyes (awesome), and one policeman who was making his rounds.
This type of reaction is precisely what's made me so apprehensive about going out into my new neighborhood to take selfpics - even clothed! There are simply so many more eyeballs in the city, than there were in the county - that will see, and judge me for what I do (many of whom will actually recognize me!) I guess it's just gonna take some time before I build up the confidence that I'll need if I'm to continue making my pics. here, while also making a complete horse's ass outta myself...in some people's eyes, at least...
I really like this picture. It has an old world look about it. It is perhaps the outfit, looking almost like an Alpine climber.ReplyDelete
And I hope that you are able to ignore the "Philistines" round you. You are producing art which will last.
@Raymond - Oh GOODy! I'm tickled that you like the vintage feel of this pic., Raymond! I myself, was fully prepared to totally hate this group of pics....too safe, or bland, or something. The part about them that I actually did sorta like though - is the white on white background, where the sky and the snow-covered hillside meet...I wasn't at all unhappy with the starkness of these pics. :)Delete
I vacillate between not giving a shit at all, about what people think - and worrying about it so much, that it practically paralyzes me...just kinda depends on my frame of mind, each day.
Maybe it'll sound weird again (why I'm leaving only weird comments :/) but I really like your legs. They look... good :) Maybe it's because I hate how my own looks. Ignore people. They won't make you proud when you'll stay at home, and your work and pictures which you'll be watching will make you proud.ReplyDelete
@nisza_E - Well, if the legs in your avatar are yours - they sure look good to me! I do believe that we all tend to be a bit overly self-critical...I mean, I always think of my legs as being too short, especially since my torso is so long...not to mention, dimply, and lacking in muscle tone...ah well.Delete
I had such a thick skin for so long - I'm not really sure why I feel so vulnerable these days...I'll figure it out though, I usually do...
Thank You for always being so supportive and encouraging! I really appreciate that you come here and comment :)
No, it's not me unfortunetly :) I'm a bit overweight still, but I keep working on that :-) Posting often enough to have a readable blog it's quite hard thing to do. Especially if you don't really know if ANYBODY reads that. I have something similar - I'm writting for a while without any respons (except recent few days) and from time to time I'm wondering if there is any sens, do I bring anything to anyone. So...Delete
Keep doing your pictures, cause they ARE bringing something to my life :)
@nisza_E - Thank You so much! That's really sweet of your to say!Delete
Listen, if you love writing your blog, then keep doing it no matter how many people are actually reading it. I've had blogs for many years now, and I've never had very large followings on any of them. But for me, that's not what it's about. Blogging about my self-portraits is something of a guilty pleasure for sure - I do it for myself, first and foremost - but the fact that there are a few people out there who appreciate what I do, and so kindly let me know that they do - is definitely an added bonus! I doubt that I would work as hard at self-portraiture though, if I didn't have a venue with which to share my pics....because there's almost like this strange sort of pressure to keep producing work so that I don't disappoint the folks who DO stop by to visit...so in one sense, blogging about what I do as an artist - definitely does keep me motivated...and as far as I'm concerned - that can't be a bad thing.
Just keep writing...it should be (and I'm sure that you'll FIND it to be) a personally rewarding endeavor, above all else :)