Commando Mission

 

(All pics. snapped on 3/13/12)

This could very easily wind up to be one of those posts, that gets my dumb ass in a buncha hot water. Ya' see, unless I share the details about how I got these pics. - there's really no other story to tell. But if I do that - then some mean-spirited busy-body is apt to arbitrarily blow the whistle on me...and that's not just me bein' paranoid, believe me. 

"Now, why would someone do something as petty as that?" you might be wondering - and who can blame you...I guess. Well, believe it or not - this type of thing has happened before, and that's why I've got my guard up. 

Some of you may remember the Shot in the Dark entry from way the heck back in 2010. What you don't know however, is that not long after I posted that entry (in which I confessed to having been detained and questioned by a police officer, after he caught me trespassing in a public park after dark, while taking semi-nude pictures of myself in the gazebo) some meddlesome, anonymous caller contacted a local, county official - and angrily asserted that the Chief of Police ought to issue a warrant for my arrest, true story! I can't tell you how I found out about this (cuz I promised my informant that I'd always keep mum), but I can tell you this - it did in fact happen...as god is my witness, and all that.

 

I'll never forget how one friend reacted to the ludicrous, and perturbing incident by saying, "Well, Lauralyn? Hate to break it to you...but not everyone who reads your blog is your friend" And it's those very words that have me asking myself, "Should I open my big mouth? Or not..."

After weighing the balance, I've decided that withholding key info regarding this shoot, would be un-Big Ugly-like...and so - for the sake of providing at least a leetle meat for my readers - I've opted to run the gauntlet...*gulp*...Ok, here goes...

After a friend and I explored the grounds of a now defunct golf course, recently - I could not stop thinking about how badly I wanted to stage my next shoot there - not only on the sand traps, and once manicured greens, and down by the river that flows along one side - but most especially inside of the imposing manor house that sits up on a hill keeping watch over the property.

Here...Ya' want me to show you what it looks like?

Is that not freaking gorgeous? Can you understand now, why I became so suddenly and seriously obsessed with the stately structure, and its surroundings? And why I simply couldn't wait to go back?

On my first visit, after briefly surveying the grounds with my friend - we drove over to the old house to take pics. of the exterior., and while we did so - I snooped around trying to find some way, any way that I might possibly gain entry inside. Unfortunately though, every window and door was locked securely. I did notice however, that there was a single pane missing from one of the first floor window sashes. The opening was tight, and it was kind of high up - but by now I've learned how to make myself small, if need be. Hoping he might offer to give me a boost - I casually mentioned to my friend, "I think I could fit through there." "Eh...", he cautioned. "I wouldn't...the place might be rigged with motion detectors, or something."...True dat. 

It was windy and cold the day that I was there with my friend, and so after only about a half an hour - we hopped back in his truck, blasted the heat, and drove off...

Nine days later, I returned to the golf course alone, and with a plan. It was much earlier in the day than when I was there the time before, plus - it was unbelievably warm considering it was only mid-March. My strategy was to start out taking selfpics outside around the grounds (not gonna lie, my friend definitely had me nervous about what might happen if I did actually climb into the house through the broken window) and if my camera battery still had a charge after I finished outside - I would think about taking more pics. inside the house...maybe.

I never expected that anyone other than me, would be at the golf course when I arrived that day...but they were. There were cars parked in front of the old clubhouse, and golf carts buzzing here and there - I was shocked! I had no idea who all of those people were! Were they real estate agents and potential buyers? Property managers and their employees? Or possibly fellow poachers who had come there to take advantage of a beautiful day on a half-decent golf course with no green's fees. No matter why they were there though, those folks had officially foiled my plan...There would be no naked pictures out of doors for me that day...rats.

My only options were to either bail (no way) or execute Plan B...which I did, and here's how.

So there, I've done it. I've publicly admitted to (non)breaking and yet entering a private property in order to satisfy my incessant craving to photograph myself in off-limits venues...Wonder how long before all hell breaks loose...I'll be sure and let you know if anything happens...

Welcome to The Doll House

(All pics. snapped on 3/05/12)

It's crazy to think, that when I took these pics. eight days ago - it was blustery, cold and snowing intermittently. In just one short week's time, the weather here has taken a welcome but drastic - turn for the better...with temps. rising into the mid-seventies, the warm sun and blue sky peeking out from behind a blanket of fluffy, sheep's wool clouds...

Flashback to last week though, when it was still bitterly cold - while I staged these selfpics. in this fantastic, old ruin. After more than three hours of near overexposure, my body became so crippled by the cold - I thought that it might actually take another whole week before I thawed out entirely...*brrrrrrrrrr* (Thanks ever so much, to my friend who lives up the street from this house - cuz he let me warm up by his woodstove for a spell, before braving the cold for the rest of my shoot...You're a lifesaver - without you I might not have been able to continue)

The point of this entry though, is not to paint the picture that this was one of those heinously miserable shoots...quite the contrary really, even factoring in the extremely uncomfortable conditions. Anytime I have the opportunity to photograph myself in awe-inspiring surroundings, such as this - it's much easier for me to tune out the "bad", since I'm just so damned grateful to be there! Despite the fact that sometimes things happen like...my feet get so cold, that they turn a putrid yellow (which in my experience, is way worse than when they turn a sickly white)...usually at that point, I can no longer even feel them touch the ground...

 

Let's talk about the house though, since it is the star of this show.

This is one of those deals where, I've driven past this house maybe a million times before - and you know? I've noticed it (even took a bunch of exterior shots of the facade, this time almost exactly a year ago) but I haven't spent a whole lot of time thinking about it...'til recently...

While visiting my friend with the woodstove, two weeks ago - I got the sudden urge to actually go insida the place...and when I did - what I saw blew my mind...like completely! It was just so much more dilapidated than I'd ever imagined, not to mention - chock-FULL of a wide array of subject matter to snap...my favorite being the carnage of baby dolls and their dismembered parts, naturally.

There I was in one of the most outstanding locations that I've ever come across, and while it was an ideal place to take pics. with my phone - it didn't take me long to surmise that a self-portrait shoot there, would be prohibitive...if not completely verboten. The house was dangerously unstable in certain spots (due to a kitchen fire that had spread through the walls up to the second floor, and a roof leak that had ravaged large patches of the floors on both levels. Stepping deliberately and gingerly was essential in order to keep from careening through the rotten flooring down to the basement...and if there's one thing that I am not during my self-portrait shoots - it is "ginger". I frequently havta tear across the space that separates my camera from where I pose...sometimes so furiously, that it sounds like a stampede of charging elephants. The old house (I bargained), would not tolerate such behavior...which meant that I'd have to be content with taking camera phone snaps only....

Long story short, I changed my mind...I just couldn't stand the thought of a.) pussin' out like that, and b.) not taking advantage of such a scrummilicious backdrop...and so I returned one week later to tempt fate.

On my second visit, (upon further inspection) I discovered that several of the rooms (plus the stairs) did have solid flooring - and at that point I began strategizing how to best approach my shoot...

...et voila!

When I left that day, my body was positively frozen to the bone...somehow though, I felt warm deep down inside - cuz I'd done it...and that treacherous house (bless its heart) had kept me safe from harm...

 

(Snapped on 2/02/11)

Someone who commented on this entry, was curious to see what the The Doll House looked like on the outside. Of course I'm happy to oblige, but since I haven't got any new, exterior shots - I had to dig this one out of the archives...

OH! One last thing - if you're curious to see pics. from my first time inside of The Doll House, please check out my new Little Pretties post...

THANK You!

Extra, Extra!

So HEY! Guess what?! The first two prints that I'll be offering at auction on eBay - arrived at my house today - WOOT! Aaaaannnd...I had just enough time to get them listed, before I had to drive into town to get my daughter from dance. 

They look AWEsome you guys, I ain't lyin'. The pros at 1650 Gallery did the most fabulous job printing them (plus a couple of other prints that I think I'll hold onto for now). I was so excited when I saw them - I literally felt like I was hyperventilating for a full 40 minutes after I laid eyes on 'em...

But enough with the blubbering for a minute...lemme show you what they look like so you can decide if you wanna go to eBay and take a gander:

 

(Snapped on 9/19/10)

SOLD!

Still available on eBay - starting bid reduced!

 

(Snapped on 9/19/11)

SOLD!

If you're interested in finding out more about these prints (dimensions, etc) - both pics. are right now, and will continue to be posted on The Big Ugly's "Store" page - until they're either sold, or their listings on eBay expire. 

Switchin' It Up

 

(All pics. snapped on 2/27/12)

It gives me great pleasure to announce, that I've recently taken a renewed interest in traversing this great and wide countryside, for the sole purpose of capturing images with my iPhone. Those of you out there who have ever visited The Big Ugly's baby sister - Little Pretties, are probably well aware of my former addiction to snapping random, everyday things with my phone (as well as with my even more neglected toy cameras: Diana & Holga)...and you may have also noticed that over these past few months, I have (for the most part) totally dropped that ball.

In my last post, I griped about having been astonishingly busy over recent weeks - which in retrospect, is somewhat amusing - taking into account the fact that I am newly unemployed and all. And to be perfectly honest, it was wrong of me to try and vie for your sympathy. Why? Because I've brought all of the chaos upon myself. How? Welllllll.........one of the biggest contributing factors to these hectic days of late - is that I've consistently put off more pressing obligations, to instead run around takin' pics. wif mah phone...(and to sneak in a few self-portraits along the way).

Now I realize that such irresponsible behavior might lead you to believe that I've reverted back to my gadabout ways (and rightfully so!) but I've no regrets for being such a self-indulgent flake these days. Because, while prioritizing photography over the things that I should be doing - does have me at times suffering from a mild case of buyer's remorse (so to speak), I feel that the added daily stress has been absolutely worth it. Ya' see, by shirking my duties in favor of bleeding the pressure valves on months and months of built-up, creative urges - the sense of satisfaction that's been coloring my world, is far more intense than that which I might've felt - had I stayed home and done laundry or mopped the floor (like I shoulda).

For me, one of the best parts about iPhonography (if that's a word) is the terribly addicting ritual of uploading and embellishing my candid snaps on Instagram...

...and up until...ohhh...I dunno. Maybe a month ago? (during that period when my Mac was so sickly that it was practically useless, and the only way that I could share pics. was to post 'em on Instagram...remember?) I had never before "Instagrammed" my self-portraits, for two reasons: 1.) The majority of my selfpics could easily be categorized as NSFW, and Instagram ain't cool with nudity on the site...and 2.) I am something of a purist in that - I believe that Instagram should be for iPhone photography only. And since I shoot my selfpics with a Sony Cybershot, well then - shouldn't that disqualify them from inclusion in all the fun?

Clearly I am not a person who is very strong in their convictions, because last week (without hesitation or remorse) I acted on the impulse to gussy up a select few from my newest batch of self shots - with the kickass filters on...(you guessed it) INSTAGRAM! I edited, and posted them - and once I saw that they'd been added to the camera roll on my phone, I deleted them off of Instagram. That way, I would have them at my disposal to publish on The Big Ugly, while still keeping in Instagram's good graces.

...and here they are...

Ok, so now - I'm counting on YOU - my highly esteemed and trusted readers, to cast the deciding votes as to whether the bells and whistles work here? Or do not...And don't dare hold back, cuz I wanna know the truth. I promise that my feelings won't get hurt...

MAJOR Thanks, btw - to the fabulous family that allowed me to make not one, but two trips out to their property - so that I could take the self-portraits seen in this post, as well as gobs and gobs of neat-o Instagram pics. - some of which I shared on Little Pretties...

Great Expectations

(All pics. snapped on 2/16/12)

For the last little while, I've been in the midst of a thrilling (and yet terrifying) self-inflicted, transitional phase...and needless to say, because of that - things have been more than just a little topsy-turvy around here, to say the least. 

After quitting my job a couple of weeks ago, I dove headlong into the (somewhat tedious, at times even daunting) process of making what I guess could be considered - lateral career moves. All the jitters aside though, I am super excited about both of my new endeavors...as well as optimistic that I might finally be making positive changes in my life that (hope, hope) - could actually wind up leading me down a pathway to success.........for once. 

That being said, I did not bring this mess up with the intention of going into elaborate detail about my big "career shift" in this post (I promise you'll get the lowdown once I've dotted every "i", jumped through every hoop, and have all of my ducks in a row). Mostly, I just wanted you guys to know - that although I'm admittedly terrified about rolling the dice the way I am - I'm confident that in the end it will all pay off. It simply has to...I havta believe that... 

The crazy part about all of that though is, once I was officially unemployed? I was totally expecting to have this glorious glut of extra time to do whatever...specifically though - to tend to my selfpics and my blog. Ha! I literally have had days recently, where it was all I could do to find ample time to sit and take a piss...I shit you not. And on top of that - seems like every time I do make time to get hunkered down in my desk chair so that I can upload and edit pics., or write - my computer (even with its brand new, $220 hard drive) acts like a damn fool...it just freezes up...while the cursor does that annoying, rainbow, spinny wheel thing. Guh.

Segue...

Somewhat similarly (sort of) - while on the way to my son's basketball game a few weekends ago, I spied the house in which the pictures in this post were shot. I was immediately intrigued by its deliciously crude appearance, but also intimidated by its high visibility to passersby (it sits out in the open, at the intersection of two four lane highways...catty corner to the newest, bustling Wal-Mart in this area)

When I went there two days later in order to stage this (disappointing) shoot, I was nearly overcome with nerves as I brazenly strode across the very public, private property - and then climbed into the house through a busted-out window sash...all the while wondering if, or how many people driving past might see me, and subsequently do the right(?) thing, and call the cops. Nevertheless, I felt confident that I was taking the risk of being caught trespassing - for the benefit of my art...and I was good with that. 

All I can say is this - I hope that my instincts about quitting my job so that I might pursue other career options, in the hopes of ultimately realizing some pretty big dreams - pays better dividends than this risky shoot did...blah.

When The Cat's Away...

Although my natural inclination is to wanna write a full-length blog entry about this - my most recent set of snaps, there really isn't that much to say about 'em. Unless of course, if after I publish them - the proverbial shit hits the fan (the likelihood of which, is pretty great). 

For the time being however, I think I'll just keep my mouth shut...and only speak if I'm spoken to first...  

(All pics. snapped on 2/12/12)

P.S. - I'm bringin' Little Pretties back! Please click here to see pictures that I took of things other than me, the same day (and same place) that I took these selfpics....Thanks! 

Good JuJu

Good news, people! After a couple of nerve-racking, anxiety-filled weeks - I am ecstatic to report that through much prompting and persuasion by the nice folks at Apple, and the online file backup site where my data had been stored - my ridiculously expansive collection of selfpics, snapshots and videos, has found its rightful place back on my (refurbished) iMac (as well as iPhoto - so iCan tinker with 'em again!)...praise be!

...and in other photo-related news: Three of my self-portraits were recently selected to be included in the Group Exhibition of the February/March "Portrait" issue of F-Stop Magazine, ain't that cool?! (THANK You, F-Stop...a million times Thanks!)

Now for the bad news. Last evening I was literally minutes (and words) away from completing this post, but like a do-do, I left the page to go do something else - and when I returned to Blogger to finish the entry, turns out none of the text had been saved. Awesome. 

The funny part is, in hindsight? I almost consider it a godsend...cuz after sleeping on it, I realized that I'd spent way too much time trying to glorify this subpar set of pics....

...and so for the sake of avoiding droning on and on about essentially nothing (as I had done in the post that was deleted), and because it's been two weeks since I've updated The Big Ugly - the abridged (and less favorable) version of the original post is simply gonna havta suffice...you're welcome.

(All pics. snapped on 1/24/12)

For as eager as I had been to stage a shoot in a field full of unbroken horses - once there, my enthusiasm evaporated. I swear to god, it was like working with a bunch of thousand pound two year olds...sweet animals, but so frisky, unruly, even surly at times - and curious to the nth degree. After my camera was repeatedly knocked off of its perch on the low thrift store table - by one mischievous, mud-covered muzzle after another - I got the bright idea to fasten it to an out-of-reach tree limb, with the help of my handy Gorillapod . But by that point I was honestly so over the whole thing, that I quit after just a few frames. Bleh.

Disappointed (but not discouraged), I was hopeful that the challenge of clambering up "Mount Round Bale", (without tripping over the dress' long train, for godssakes!) and getting into pose before my 10 seconds were up - would mean certain redemption from the botched, wild horse shoot. But alas, in reviewing this sorry series of pics., it was evident that my misfortune had perpetuated itself.

My only reprieve that day, was an impromptu shoot that I staged in a barn stall - while killing time until the farm manager was able to let me into a locked room packed with antique horse carts and carriages. The pictures produced were not "great", by any means - but sadly, they were as good as it was ever gonna get...

I don't know if it was because the farm manager and his brother stood right outside the open door, talking with each other for the endurance of the carriage room segment - what I do know is that I never got into a proper groove for these pics.. But do they suck? Magic 8-Ball says, "It is decidedly so". Well...how badly do they suck...Magic 8-Ball says, "Better not tell you now"...grrr...

Since I've written this entry twice now, I've had plenty of time to try and sort this mess out - and the best explanation that I can come up with for why my day at the horse farm was such a resounding disaster, is that during the downtime when my computer was on the fritz, and the fate of my pictures was uncertain - I think I lost hope for a spell...It was gut-wrenching to face the possibility that my blind disregard for the fragility of digital photography - might lead to the extinction of two years-worth of dedication and hard work, not to mention five additional years-worth of family snapshots...I wondered if I had brazenly committed social Hara-Kiri for the sake of my art, only to be left with nothing tangible to show for it. The more distraught I became over the worst case scenario - the more seriously I considered giving up on self-portraiture...

...and so when my friend invited me to come by and take pictures at the farm seen here in these pics. - I reflexively jumped at the chance (since by now, I'm conditioned to accept pretty much any reasonable offer). The problem was, my cynical mind kept telling me that there was really no point in even bothering with the shoot...or any other shoot ever again, for that matter. If I had in fact lost my entire body of work (as I continued to worry, at that time) the very thought of starting all over, of rebuilding my empty portfolio - was such a daunting prospect...so prohibitive in fact, that I began to set my sights on chasing other dreams. I mean let's face it, I'm 43 years old for cryin' out loud...how many "good" years of this stuff, could I possibly have left in me anyway?

Long story short - when I showed up to shoot at the farm - with all of its horses and hay bales and carts - I was literally operating on auto-pilot, relying on muscle memory, going through the motions...while my brain still kept nagging, "Why in the world are we here?" 

Now...I realize that this post might seem just a smidgeon doom and gloomy - but it actually does have a happy ending. In the weeks after my computer bit the bullet, I was stuck in this weird sort of limbo - not knowing exactly what was going to happen...and not sure of what I would do when it did. All in all, I think that the mandatory time off from self-portraiture, might not have been as detrimental as I've made it out to be. Truth be told, I think it actually might've helped me. Because as a result, I've made some pretty drastic changes in my life - and (being the perennial optimist that I am) I feel confident that they will only improve the chances for my art (and all those other dreams) to truly flourish...and I mean that.

Oh, SHOOT! I almost forgot! THANK You - to my friend the farm manager, for opening up your place of employment to me...I sincerely appreciate it! I'm only sorry that I didn't take better advantage of such a wonderful opportunity...Maybe I'll have better luck, next time?