Thursday, September 16, 2010

The Five Faces of...Me?

Ok boys and girls, besides the demonic stare (now do you get why I so seldom look at the camera?)...raise your hand if you can tell me what's wrong with this picture. 

Yes...very GOOD, class! The correct answer is: it appears that I have no nipples

(Snapped on 7/11/10)

By the time the photos in this entry were taken, I was out of a job (the woman I worked for - had died) which - sad as it was (heartbreaking, really) actually worked out in a weird kinda way, since my kids were out of school on summer break...Oh! And speaking of breaks...this also happened to be just a couple of weeks following my fluke "flip off of the lifeguard stand" accident...I'll spare you the deets and just say that as a result of my inebriated stupidity, I ended up with a broken bone in my heel and a fracture at the top of my fibula (right leg). Too hardheaded and stubborn to follow doctor's orders and wear the knee brace or bother with the crutches, I chose instead to gimp around in a good deal of pain...the legacy of which, lingers on to this day... 

During the summertime, Monday is the only day each week, that my children aren't with me at all...making Monday - the optimum day (and night) for me to get a few shoots under my belt. The photos in this entry were plucked from five separate shoots - all staged during the latter part of one such Monday (between 7 p.m. and midnight, with a cocktail break in the middle...mais bien sur!)

After digging through the archives, choosing pics. for this entry, and then stacking 'em all up on top of each other - it struck me that over the five shoots that day (in just as many hours, coincidentally) I'd kinda run the thematic gamut...I mean seriously like - can you say, "multiple personalities disorder"? 

Ok let's start with the "veggie patch" series - it was, do I put this...a complete and utter FAIL?! In fact before now, I've never done a thing with any of those pics. (other than try and erase them from my memory) 

In planning the "veggie patch" shoot - I'd decided to make use of that brief time in the evening, when the sinking sun cuts a swath through the yard to my garden. And in order to render the pics. "safe" for Facebook (but still revealing enough for #HNT) - I wanted to try a l'il something that I thought might be "cute", soooo...I criss-crossed several brightly colored band-aids over my nips, which (unintentionally in keeping with the whole garden theme) took on the appearance of flower-petaled pasties (awwww...)

Once I got out to the garden though, I was blinded by the intensity of the late afternoon sunlight, and - although I didn't realize it until I viewed the pics. full-size, I clearly overcompensated while trying not to squint (as is evidenced in the photo above)

The sun insisted on slipping below the tree line and the ensuing shadows threatened to shut down the whole production, but - just I was about to hang things up for the night, I happened to glance over at a stack of large locust logs, awash in a spotlight of the last light of day...

(Snapped on 7/11/10)

*Lightbulb*...As I raced over to my studio, I rrrripped off the makeshift pasties *ow* (although whiffed on 86'ing the tiger lily, oops) then went straight to the dress-up pile to root around for something new to put on. I settled on one of our (many) yard sale crinolines (kinda sucked that I grabbed the one with a dry-rotted waistband) and tore back across the yard thinking, "Damn! On those logs, in that light - these pics. are bound to be good!"...

...the jury is still out on this group of photos, as I personally - have yet to reach a verdict...

(Snapped on 7/11/10)

The sun nestled itself deep into the horizon, deeming the "damsel in this dress" shoot - finis. But not wanting to lose my pic.-snapping momentum, I came up with one last concept to attempt.

For awhile I'd entertained doing an overhead shoot, but it wasn't until I ran across an incredibly beautiful, aerial self-portrait (which a Twitter friend had posted on his blog) - that I thought, "I might be able to pull it off too..."

I fetched my step ladder and placed it in our livestock trough, then hunted around for two boards of equal thickness. Indeed I found a couple (hooray), laid 'em across the ladder hinges, and then rested the camera on them, the lens facing down through the space between the boards. Still sportin' the old crinoline, I set the timer and dunked myself...again...and again...and again...

Can I just tell you something? That shit fairly well kicked my fool ass, I ain't lyin'! Out of 50 attempts - I got 3 photos I can use and the other 47 turned out more like this...neat-o.

I finally quit when my nose became so stuffed up, that I could barely breath through it anymore. My sinuses felt like they were literally on fire - I guess I never realized how difficult it is to hold your breath while lying on your back under water...somehow, either air bubbles seep out or the water seeps in, and I'm here to tell ya' - it BURNS! I also struggled to get myself submerged and perfectly still (in a scant 10 seconds) in my virtually victory-less battle against "fun-house mirror face"...

Anyway, after all that, I was ready for a respite from my pics. for a spell. I put the memory card in the thingy to download the images and went over to the house to grab some food, mix a cocktail and decompress in a warm shower...

(Snapped on 7/11/10)

Now sated, I giddily sat down to my Mac to peruse all the new photos I'd snapped - and you know? I found it absolutely amazing that out of three...whole...shoots, there were so few pics. that I actually liked. I was especially displeased with the creepy "android" effect that the band-aids on the nipples in the bright sun had produced. But was particularly mortified by how short and stubby I looked, in each of the wretched "veggie patch" pics.. (more like "Cabbage Patch"...sheesh) Frustrated, I stomped back over to the house to do another round of hair/make-up/costume. I simply could not let the day end on that note.

Swiping a tightrope idea that a friend had recently mentioned, I used the ladder to shine a clamp-lamp on my studio deck railing, and I quickly learned that sprinting around to where I could climb up, find my balance and then walk along it, was an absurdly preposterous idea...On my only attempt, I barely got up on the railing (much less to standing) - when I fell and landed squarely on the dining set below. My leg was ok (dontchu worry 'bout that!) but I did hurt my shoulder a little...*whimper*

The trapeze thing seemed a reasonable (and safer alternative) although it was absolute murder on my knee...I didn't really mind though, cuz I was lubed up on liquor and for the first time all day - I was thoroughly enjoying a shoot.

(Snapped on 7/11/10)

I was happy enough with the "trapeze" pics., to feel good about calling it a night. I carried the ladder back over to the garage, but made the mistake of pausing outside of our sun room, for a sec.. The giant sliding doors were wide open...the collection of house plants spilled forth...and my make-up was still pretty good...I would've been a dunce to have passed on experimenting with the ladder and the clamp-lamp and the camera - all positioned outside in the yard, aiming up into the elevated green room...(which consequently taught me a thing or two about flattering camera placement - sweet!)

Might sound crazy, but I am seriously more exhausted from writing this derned thing, than I was from taking the pics. that are in it...and now, you dear people - you may please be excused...class revoir...that's a wrap!

1 comment:

  1. I rather like that second image of you in the water! It is very painterly. Arresting in its disquiet, but also it has an all-over flatness which really holds the picture plane -- If you ever feel like revisiting these, I would be very keen on seeing them as a group.