(Snapped on 9/05/10)
After two friends suggested it a few times this summer...and after turning my nose up at the notion for weeks...curiosity (vanity?) got the better of me - and I signed myself up on a modeling site.........That's right I said "modeling site"...what? What's so funny?!
Nah, I know. What a harebrained idea, right? Especially since I'm old and I'm short. So, why did I bother. To be honest - I'm not sure. I guess I'd hoped it could lead to any combination of the following: added income, a better portfolio, or possibly becoming some burgeoning photographer's muse, HA! Who knows. What I do know is the instant I submitted my profile to the site's admin for review and "approval" (or not) I couldn't help but wonder, "Who would even pay me to pose for their pics.?" I mean, besides being vertically challenged and ancient, (other than my silly self-portraits) I have no modeling experience...at all. And on top of that I kept asking myself, "Must I rely on someone else to photograph me, for the sake of plumping up my portfolio?" The way I saw it, I was already doing a bang-up job of filling my books by myself.
There were other issues that gave me pause, about modeling for a photographer who didn't happen to be me. I did not like the idea of giving up the control of deciding which photos wound up on the internet...not so much because I was worried about my tits or my ass being plastered all over the web (lord knows they'd both long since made their debut) I was more afraid that my (numerous) physical imperfections might end up in circulation...and we couldn't have that now, could we? And furthermore, what about the pesky issue of organizing two people's schedules? I've grown accustomed to picking up on a moment's notice and going wherever, to shoot pics. when I want - without making arrangements to do so - days or even weeks in advance. I was also faced with the hassle of driving long distances to the studios of the photographers "in my area". Adding another human to the equation, seemed to upset the balance of my reliable routine of flying solo...and the uncomplicated spontaneity that comes with it.
Nevertheless, I forged ever onward...and while creating my profile on the modeling site, I chose 10 self-portraits that I believed displayed diversity in what I'm physically capable of - as a model, but also what I've achieved from the other side of the lens. Once I'd been approved and my port was visible to other members, I received glowing comments on my photos (*blush*) and offers from photographers to schedule shoots with me. Sure, it felt good and all that - but I was still kinda thinking, "what in the hell am I doing here?" It turned out I wasn't the only one scratching my head...more than a couple members asked, "Wait...what are you...a model? Or a photographer..." Which got me to thinking...like seriously - what am I? I'm not exactly jonesin' to pose for other folks, nor am I confident enough to snap pics. of someone else. Although through self-portraiture, I experiment with modeling and photography...and if I'm lucky I'll wind up honing both skills - but what does any of that mean...and what am I supposed to do with it all? Does it make me an amateur model/photographer? Or simply a self-absorbed artist...or something...
The backdrop of one of the 10 profile pics., was of an abandoned, crusty old house (which I own). A number of photographers inquired about shooting in the old house, and since doing so meant only traveling a mile from my home, I agreed to a collaborate with the photographer who was available the soonest.
In a nutshell - the night before my first official photo shoot with a real, live professional photographer, and after packing my car with the costumes and props - the dude completely crapped out on me. There's no sense in dwelling on his (bogus?) excuse for canceling our plans at the eleventh hour like he did - or the fact that he's still not called to reschedule - instead I prefer to focus on the good that came out of being left to my own devices that day...not the least of which - the incredible venue where I shot my pics., in the delinquent photographer's stead...behold!
Just LOOK at this place! Is it not fanTAStic?! I loved how it somehow sucked every ounce of color from my normally tawny complexion...no matter where I positioned myself or the camera, in relation to the light. When editing the photo above, I clicked "color boost" 5 x's and still somehow, I appear to be this milky white...
The coolest thing though, was being granted immediate access to an often whispered-about, local curiosity. Unfortunately, I can't say much about the specifics of the location, because the owner is terribly protective of his property and privacy, and in exchange for him so graciously allowing me to shoot here - I promised not to reveal the site's "identity" on my blog (hence, no exterior shots...which just KILLS me, you've NO idea!)
At the end of that exhilarating day of snapping pics., I saw it as something of a godsend that the photographer had decided to bail. I promptly resolved to remain a one-man operation...and have deactivated my account on that modeling site. And! Instead of doing a repeat at the old abandoned house (*yawn*) I got to tromp in and around a very special, sorta secret, almost magical structure - and revel in the beauty of serendipity...